Angela Johnston, the griff’s resident sex columnist, explores sex and relationships each week in Between the Sheets. Send her your queries, and feel free to keep them anonymous.
Write her at sex@thegriff.ca.
Angela Johnston - columnist
Celibacy and the virgin’s reset button
Q: Is it possible to be re-virginized after going without sex for an extended period of time? If so, what kinds of changes are there with the actual look and/or feel of your vagina and is it okay to start telling potential partners that you are a virgin?
Regarding the look and feel of your vagina, I assume you are wondering if it will tighten up, or if hymens gradually repair themselves when one does not have sex for a long time.
A bit of tightening may occur as the vagina is very elastic; it stretches and shrinks back all the time, but the hymen will not grow back once torn.
When it comes to how you see yourself and what you tell potential partners, it’s all up in the air. Reclaiming one’s virginity is no longer uncommon; people simply choose to commit themselves to abstinence until they meet their future husbands or wives. They may just decide they regret the manner in which their virginities were lost and choose to opt for a do-over, often for religious or cultural reasons.
For those same reasons, some people opt for hymen reconstruction surgery, which stretches and repairs the torn remains of the hymen.
Although virginity still holds meaning in our society, its definition isn’t concrete. If loss of virginity occurs when one has sex for the first time, the definition of sex comes into question. Does having oral sex equate to losing one’s virginity? The answer depends on whom you ask.
You’ve got the freedom to reclaim your virginity mentally and physically, so do what feels right and tell people whatever you want. Reclaimed or not, your virginity belongs to you. Potential partners shouldn’t judge you either way.
Is there any problem with wanting to remain celibate for your entire life or is that an indication of psychological or physical dysfunction?
Voluntary lifelong celibacy is totally up to personal discretion. One could choose this type of lifestyle for religious or cultural reasons, or simply out of disinterest in sex.
This decision isn’t necessarily indicative of dysfunction, but reasons may vary from person to person. Psychological trauma or hormone imbalances could possibly account for some cases of voluntary lifelong celibacy.
To my knowledge, there aren’t any negative effects caused by opting out of sex, but you may miss out on the benefits of orgasms if you skip out on masturbation as well.
Orgasms are thought to reduce stress and tension, promote quality sleep, relieve menstrual cramps and other bodily pains, and maybe even benefit heart health.
Like most sexual decisions, if you think celibacy is right for you, go for it. It’s not as though you can’t change your mind.
You can always lose your virginity down the road, and then you can even reclaim it afterward! The sexual world is your oyster: do with it what you will.
This edition of Between the Sheets originally ran in the Mar. 10 issue of Intercamp.
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