There are many, many “seasonal” songs that get airplay as soon as the year’s first snowflake falls to the ground. Some of these songs are classics that truly merit the yearly spins. However, there are many other songs that need to be stopped. We at the griff have compiled a list of our least-favourite Christmas time songs – because, as we all know, misery loves company.
Ana: “Wonderful Christmastime” – Paul McCartney
This song is inescapable. If it’s the “Christmas” season, you can guarantee this song will be played in every mall, in every Starbucks, and in every place that dares to play copyrighted winter carols.
You can’t even escape it when you’re away from it, because you’re never away from it. That refrain of “sim-ply ha-ving a won-der-ful Christ-mas-time” will haunt you like some sort of cheerful banshee.
It’s not like Paul McCartney needs the money, either. He could’ve quit music when The Beatles broke up and still be swimming in cash. When it comes to this 1979 ditty, we can let it be.
Tim: “I Think You Might Like It” by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
It would be a fair assumption to make that Mrs. Newton-John and her cohort Mr. Travolta went about creating this truly god-awful song in order to make a few bucks off of the nostalgia most of us have for Grease. And if that was the case, in my eyes, this plan was a horrible backfire. Whenever people talk about Christmas tunes being vapid, soulless pieces of tripe, this monstrosity is the first thing I think of.
Even worse, there’s a music video to go along with the song. Although it starts off being so-bad-it’s-good, it doesn’t take long before it takes an irreparable toll on the soul. The shit-eating grins on everyone’s faces and the awful dance moves are enough to make you feel as if you’re looking into the most massive, blackest abyss you’ve ever seen. Also, seeing John Travolta’s hair plugs is something nobody should ever have to be subjected to. For all of these reasons, I think you might not like it. In fact, I know you’ll hate it.
Thai: “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” – Alvin and the Chipmunks
The Alvin and the Chipmunks song “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” is a real song that really plays on the very real radio. Sure, children might enjoy the funny little song, but children also enjoy eating grass sometimes. The Chipmunks’ Christmas song is the grass eating of the Christmas song world. I hope everyone asks themselves this holiday season why this song is ever played, so that as a collective, we can boycott this song from ever playing. Honestly, how did this even get produced? There are people who really wrote, produced, performed, and marketed high-pitched Chipmunk music. And worse yet, there are people who really bought into it! Chipmunks suck.
Lydia: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is by far my least favourite Christmas song, and it has me switching it off the radio – no matter who sings it. I may sound like a cynical 20 year old when I say this, but I cannot stand music performed by children. Unless I know and love the child, I do not want to hear them perform. That’s the first version of the song. The second is an overly sexualized version, which is upsetting in a totally different sense. When a man or woman sings the song, it adds a far less innocent tone (albeit less annoying than a kid), making Christmas just another excuse for sex to be marketed, as if Christmas lingerie isn’t enough.
Sydney: “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”
The song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” has to be the worst novelty Christmas song ever made. This song equally saddens and annoys me. Who wants to listen to a Christmas song about a grandma forgetting to take her meds, drinking too much eggnog, getting run over and dying on Christmas? I’m not surprised this song was banned on a lot of radio stations, because it really sends shivers up my spine. I think the worst thing about this song, aside from its grim storyline, is its desperate attempt at being funny which ends up an ultimate failure, a true disgrace to the Christmas season.