The gorilla was not a real ape

A Sunday afternoon looks like this for me: Alarm set for 10:50. Roll out of bed dehydrated and starving. Before eating, turn on NFL Redzone and then proceed to rot on the couch for seven hours of commercial-free football. Sundays are the most glorious day of the week for me. It’s my routine, and as someone who doesn’t like to mess with the balance of the universe, I remain on the path that has been set out for me. However, on Sept. 28, I decided to test my fate and stray from the ritualistic Sunday I hold so dear to me. 

Enter Chadimus vs. Gorilla.

First of all, who the hell is Chadimus? To me, he’s a thirty-something guy who goes out in public to farm content for his nearly 2,700 followers on Instagram. However, he is as much of an enigma as he is somewhat of a micro-celebrity in Edmonton. Micro might be generous, though. His content seems to target Gen Z kids, especially those into anime. 

Now that I’ve provided context for who this guy is, let me set the scene for you. Queen Elizabeth Park, and it’s about two o’clock in the afternoon. A giant ring of about 100 people has formed. Some people dressed in cosplay, most in plain clothes. A guy wearing a king’s cape is strutting around the circle, posing for selfies, flexing his muscles and yelling into a megaphone. Chadimus has a surprisingly energetic fan base —  most of which would be in the age range of 12-16 by my estimation. Then, at approximately 2:15, the gorilla was released.

Unfortunately, not a real ape. I was really disappointed about that. I really thought Chadimus was going to deliver for the people. A guy in a cheap gorilla costume entered the ring and was showered in boos. A ref blew his whistle, and the battle commenced. Round one to Chadimus. Round two was won by the gorilla and lightsabers were also introduced in this round. Finally, in an unpredictable plot twist that no one saw coming, Chadimus defeated the brute. 

Kirk Enolpe, an attendee of the event, described to me what Chadimus means to him. “He means the whole world. He’s so peak. He’s everything.” 

I couldn’t have said it better myself.