It’s a foggy evening, and you’re walking home from your 6 p.m. class. The streets are quiet and the sun has set. A dampness has descended over 104 St.
City lights guide you towards the MacEwan transit station as they reflect off of wet pavement. It’s quiet. Campus looks deserted, but you feel someone watching you. Vibrations from erratic footsteps echo in the cracked pavement. In a moment of terror, you pick up your pace, trying to keep a safe distance from whoever’s behind you. The footsteps follow.
You start running, too horrified to look behind you. You trip over a curb that you failed to notice as you flee from the thing behind you. You whip your head around to identify the stranger, but it’s no mere stalker — you see the grotesque, disfigured shape of a human. An eye is hanging out of its socket, held together by rotting nervous tissue. The creature’s left arm is barely held together by fleshy tendons. Its jaw hangs slack, eager to feed.
When I was a kid, my second-story bedroom had a window that overlooked the driveway. My little sister and I would play make-believe and pretend zombies were trying to infiltrate our base. We’d make a pillow fort, get a bunch of snacks from the kitchen, and act like the world was ending, which may be why I sometimes dream of the apocalypse.
My nightmares of brain eating creatures aside, what would actually happen during an undead apocalypse? Where would I go first? What would be my weapon of choice? Would the zombies be more like the ones from The Walking Dead or the things from The Last of Us? Would it even be worth trying to stay alive?
While the chances of a zombie apocalypse happening are slim —- it’s always better to be prepared than not.
KNOWLEDGE IS HALF THE BATTLE
You need to deduce what kind of virus this is. Is it airborne, or blood-borne? If it’s airborne, you should find a hazmat suit, a respirator, or at least an N95 mask. Or, alternatively, just give up. Realistically, how many N95 masks are even out there? Supply would likely be sparse by the time we get to panic mode if the COVID-19 years are any example.
If it’s blood-borne, don’t get bit. Obviously. Chances of survival at that point would be a bit more manageable, and killing zombies would be really cool and badass. Hopefully it’s blood-borne.
KEY SUPPLIES
Now that you have some grasp on what the world has come to, you’ll need to grab a reliable vehicle and gather some supplies. A lot of supplies. You’ll need non-perishable foods, like canned soup or Instant ramen. At some point, you’ll have to grow your own food if you plan on sticking around, so stock up on things like fertilizer, seeds, and other gardening supplies. If you aren’t prepared now, you should be prepared to fight off zombies at your local Home Depot later.
While you’re there, make sure to pick up some tools. You never know when you might need a crowbar to crack open a shipping crate — or some skulls.
Besides food, you’ll need things like bedding, weapons, wooden boards, nails, propane, gasoline, lighters, and car parts.
YOU NEED A COOL BASE
A pillow fort won’t cut it in the apocalypse. You’re going to need a sturdy and safe base of operations for the foreseeable future. Big houses are a safety risk. They have too many entry points for you to keep track of. Also, it can’t be anywhere near a large population. The countryside is your safest option. Find a small house without too many windows and no more than two exit points.You’ll have to board up most of the windows and doors anyways, but you’re not gonna have a whole lot of time to do that.
KILLING ZOMBIES? BETTER LOOK THE PART
Once you have an idea of what’s going on, a base, supplies, and weapons, all that’s left is a cool zombie-killer outfit. Cargopants and Doc Marten boots are some staples in a post-apocalyptic outfit, but you need to decide what kind of survivor you want to be. There will never be a better time to larp as a grimy slayer of the undead!
CURRENT OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE
This part will definitely be the most difficult, which is why it’s encouraged to have a doomsday bunker under your house already. Or you can just keep some snacks under your bed. It’s your apocalypse after all!
Keep a radio around for ‘trusty’ government updates or messages from other survivors, and keep your eyes peeled for any approaching zombies.
Good luck fellow survivors!
