The MacEwan buildings fight to the death in a no-holds-barred battle.

Brooklyn Brown

Graphic by Jesse Roma, Photos by Amanda Erickson

The full moon had gruesome consequences on the MacEwan campus this month as our beloved buildings came to life and broke out in an all-out battle royale. If you hadn’t noticed, it’s likely because this phenomenon occurred so late that the only people awake to witness the battle were the tryhard overnight studiers who sounded utterly delirious recounting the event. 

“When the fight broke out, the three original buildings – 5, 6, and 7 – immediately formed an alliance due to their shared superiority complex. However, we all know trios never work.”

Through intense investigative journalism, we have gathered that Allard Hall’s winnings were not achieved without bloodshed. When the fight broke out, the three original buildings – 5, 6, and 7 – immediately formed an alliance due to their shared superiority complex. However, we all know trios never work. SAMU saw the alliance forming, but decided it was unwilling to burn the pedway between itself and Building 8. Instead, they used their persuasive and inviting architecture to convince Building 7 to betray their alliance. Building 7 turned out to be a complete pushover and, as per SAMU’s request, murdered Building 6 (which was pretty simple considering how close in proximity they are). This sparked a slaughter between buildings 5 and 7, and ultimately, they both died. 

After the slaying of the only steady alliance between buildings, full-fledged war broke out between the remaining buildings (with the exception of Allard Hall). Robbins Health Learning Centre, the only building that ever really sees Allard Hall anyway, assured everyone that Allard Hall would slowly wither away due to the complete lack of food, drinks, and people within it. Allard Hall was aware of this foolish perception, but decided that staying out of the fight might be to its advantage.

Unfortunately, Robbins Health Learning Centre isn’t nearly as bright as its nursing interior would suggest. Allard Hall goaded every other building into killing each other until only Robbins remained. Since Robbins had spent so much time with its back turned, fighting other buildings, Allard Hall simply stabbed Robbins in the back, ultimately securing its victory despite being deemed the underdog. Allard Hall’s win is yet another tribute to the takeover of cubic, modernized architecture worldwide — one small step for Allard Hall, one giant leap for the death of creativity.