Originally published on October 1, 2024
Everybody knows that tuition prices are climbing up, and our wallets cannot keep up. However, we would love to give you some advice on how to cut costs, with only a few incisions. Each class at MacEwan costs roughly $621 — not including the countless fees that are piled on! Taking five classes this term? Don’t want to take out loans to cover that $3,105? (Or $5,025.62 once you count all the extra fees, like health coverage — which you might need after paying off these bills!) On a rough average, a student will pay between $15,000 and $20,000 for a four-year degree, not including the textbooks. Have you ever had a class with 14 books on the booklist? I have.
Calling all students with healthy organs
Never donated a kidney before? Perfect! Crawl your way over to the deep, dark web, and earn yourself anywhere from $50,000 to $160,000! Maybe you can finally pay for that $150 textbook per class, instead of buying a highlighted, bent copy off of Facebook this semester. You might be able to pay off a whole year of your degree, and only need to eat ramen half as much as you do now! Maybe you can even grab a latte before your class.
Oh… you don’t want to risk needing that second kidney? Okay! How about your liver? You only need to give a piece, not the whole thing — don’t worry! You’ll need to take it easy afterward, but it regenerates, making this a star contender on the list of potential ways to pay off tuition. This makes more sense to sell because it could be done more often. It only takes half a semester for the typical liver to regenerate.
Oh… you visit Towers too often to sell the liver? Sometimes, you just need a beer — or a pitcher — after those three-hour lectures!
Do you have 20/20 vision? You could donate one of your eyes. A pair of eyes must get you SOMETHING. You may be able to pay off a class and go pick out some cute eye patches in the process. At least we have $100 to $150 for eyeglasses with our healthcare coverage! However, if you want to be in the medical field, please do not sell your eye for your tuition.
Just remember to keep your future profession in mind when considering the black market’s organ prices — why work so hard paying to get a degree if you don’t live long enough to use it? We want to live at least until we’re fighting to get a job with these expensive pieces of paper, don’t we?
Graphic by Forrester Toews
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