If you haven’t been living under a rock recently, then you know that the Golden Globes — an awards show for film and television series — took place just over two weeks ago. While I could go on to talk about who won what (even though it feels like the same five movies were in almost every category), I will refrain in exchange for talking about everyone’s juicy, favourite topic of conversation when it comes to awards shows: who wore what. 

Award shows such as the Golden Globes are the perfect time for us simple, non-famous, irrelevant folks to judge celebrities on the outfits they wear. We do this knowing that no matter how awful it may look, we could never afford to wear the things they do, nor could we pull them off.

So, now that we’re all aware of our place in the world, let’s get into it! Usually, the Golden Globes leave us with some stunning looks, but this year, there wasn’t much to drool over. In other words, most of the looks were unflattering, distasteful, and did not suit the celebrities who wore them. 

Here are some who fit that category: 

Anya Taylor-Joy

Her dress looked like a cross between a swimsuit and a shower curtain. Yellow doesn’t seem to be an appropriate colour choice, since she’s already so pale and her hair is very light. It washed her out. If this dress was in a bolder colour like red, I would personally like it a lot more. ​

Margot Robbie 

I understand that she’s playing Barbie in the upcoming film, but it feels too on-brand to put her into a painfully pink ensemble. The dress itself featured sequins, beads, and feathers. It also included 30,000 elements of embroidery, and took 750 hours to create, but it still feels weak. If I was nine, my Barbie might own this exact outfit. And whose idea was it for her to wear feathers? The bottom half of her skirt looks like Chanel robbed a children’s salon of their hair extensions.

Jessica Chastain 

She looks like a skylight at West Edmonton Mall, but with rhinestones. 

Letitia Wright

Not only does the slit of her dress look poorly hemmed, but the satin seems cheap and crumpled – like it was balled up in the back of her closet. The way the lighter reddish-orange seeps into the white makes it appear that something spilled on the dress and they decided to make her wear it anyway. And the sporadic burnt orange patches only add to this questionable illusion. 

Sigourney Weaver 

It looks like she’s wearing a poorly-fastened satin bathrobe. The material is gathered so far up, that it doesn’t have any shape nor does it accentuate her waist at all. If the centre of the bodice was lower, it would be stunning.

Claire Danes

Who stole this dress from the figure on a wedding cake? The dress has no shape; I could probably buy the ribbon and tacky flowers from Michaels’. And don’t get me started on how out of place and awkward the fringe is. This look could’ve been much more glamorous if the dress didn’t have the ribbon and fringe hemline, but instead it is an eyesore. 

Donald Glover

He woke up and put a blazer on. 

Despite all the negativity, I want to leave on a good note with three of the best dressed:

Jenna Ortega

Everything about this look is perfect. The dress is light and flowy but also shapely and glamorous. Plus, The Tiffany and Co. layered necklaces complement this look nicely. 

Emma D’arcy

I have never seen a look quite like this before, with my limited knowledge of the red carpet. The blue gloves, hair, makeup and the unique combination of a blazer and midi-skirt work wonderfully together to create a strange and stunning new look.

Andrew Garfield

To be fair, this man could wear anything and I’d love it. He rocks this black and orange suit. It’s simple, elegant, and it stands out among the sea of black-and-white tuxedos. 

And there you have it — my take on only a few of the many outfits worn at the 2023 Golden Globes!

Image source: Vanity Fair