Originally published on October 1, 2024

1. Denny’s — There’s nothing like a grand slamwhich and free refills on coffee to lure you into a false sense of security. But then you see him staring at you across the room. When your eyes lock, he begins to make his move; now he’s at your table. You’re sweating. Nauseous. Your sandwich betrays you. Oh god, now you have to talk to him. 
2. The Club — He’s like fifty, and you’re, like, twenty. You don’t know what the fuck he’s doing at Greta on a Saturday night. Apparently, it’s skee ball — and he’s keeping track of his scores in a…OH, SWEET MOTHER! It’s an EXCEL spreadsheet! Terror engulfs you as Chapelle Roan’s Pink Pony Club quakes the dance floor.
3. The Mall — People chat and shoulders brush in a busy mall. You are among them, walking mostly incognito within the crowd. Still, he finds you. You feel his presence, the smell of stale coffee and Kirkland deodorant; he’s behind you and wants to say hi. 
4. The Love Boutique™ — Holy fuck, what is he doing here? Why is he buying that? What book is he reading? I’ve never been here before — I’m scared! I’m scared because I know he’s been here so many times. 
5. Tinder — Hahaha, NOPE….unless? And why is your age range set so high, hmmm???
6. In a game of Fortnite — You dropped at tilted. You’ve managed to sweep out the place, and someone dropped a gold Scar and a couple big pots. Mats are full, and there’s only two of you left. As you begin to tower (full steel btw), you hear the sound of a green pump swapping in. Full cranked fuckin 90 — as your camera switches to spectator mode, you hear your stats prof cackle over the hot-mic. He’s default dancing on your grave, my friend. This is what true death feels like. 
7. Ur mom’s house, lmao *high-fives*
8. YOUR BEDROOM AT NIGHT, AND THERE’S NOWHERE TO RUN

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Photo by Amanda Erickson