Originally published on September 1, 2024
Studying without headphones is WHACK! It should be ILLEGAL to study without PHAT BEATS. But just like us, PHAT BEATS are not made equally. We’re all a little different. We at the Griff have put together a lil’ quiz to clock your playlist needs and supply some PHAT BEATS directly to your DOME. Keep track of your answers and add up their numbers to get your personality playlist on the next page! Have fun cutie <3
1. Where would you vacation?
- Tokyo
- Cairo
- Las Vegas
- London
- Paris
2. Do you prefer to be alone, or around others?
- I’ve always been alone
- I like being with friends
- I enjoy being the centre of attention
- I enjoy screaming in public
- I am irresistible to those around me
3. Are you the hero of your story?
- Not really
- All of God’s creations are equal in HIS-story
- Everyone is my enemy
- As much as anyone else is in their own story
- Obviously?
4. How do you plan your life?
- I keep a planner or use some digital tools
- A benevolent spirit guides me, free will is an illusion
- My tasks fear me, for I am their master
- Chaos is and always will be
- I go off vibes
5. What motivates you?
- Deadlines
- Doing a good job
- I am not motivated bruh
- Failure
- The voice in my head tells me to work hard
6. What kind of student are you?
- Normal? Idk
- As perfect as a person can be.
- I am a ghost (I don’t go to class)
- Question Asker 5000
- Laptop User 4000
7. What does “greatness” mean to you?
- It’s MacEwan’s cool marketing campaign.
- It’s what all true warriors strive for.
- Make Alberta Great Again!
- Living in the Legends apartments in Ice District
- Just living, man
8. How would you describe your style?
- Preem
- Clean
- REALLY hot
- Normal hot
- Very demure, very mindful
9. Pick a movie:
- Tron: Legacy
- Jonah: a VeggieTales Movie
- Mad Max: Fury Road
- The Gentleman
- Mean Girls
10. Pick a part of MacEwan:
- Building 5 (shout out to Bean’s List)
- Residence (shout out to paying rent)
- Whatever building Towers is in (shout out to 1 million beers)
- Building 9 (shout out to the crazy lil’ pizza machine)
- Allard Hall (shout out to the colour green)
11. What themed party would be most interesting to you?
- Murder Mystery!
- Toga/Greek!
- Serial Killers!
- Ninjas!
- Disney!
12. Pick a dish:
- Bread and wine
- Duck confit
- A&W Papa Burger
- Fish n’ chips
- Smoothie bowl
13. Pick a hobby:
- Reading
- Going to new cafes
- Drugs
- Working out
- Making playlists & looking at Pinterest
14. Which option is closest to your outlook on life?
- You live, pay taxes, and die.
- Life is a gift
- The Chinese government invented TikTok to indoctrinate and spy on us
- When I close my eyes, nothing else exists except me
- I am one with the universe
15. Which of the following superpowers would you choose?
- Telepathy & mind control
- Speak to plants and animals
- Super strength
- Super speed
- Have a billion dollars in the bank (shoutout to Batman)
Now for your results
The Blade Runner (15 to 20 points)
You breathe in. Dopamine rushes into your receptors as the smoke fills your lungs. You breathe out. A sigh of peace shivers down your spine before your neurons remind you that you’re still on the job. The neon light reflecting off the puddle by your feet directs you to your next lead in a seedy club with subwoofers loud enough to make your heart stop. These are the songs you hear.
Core song: The Lack of Hope by Gesaffelstein
The (Sunday) School Dropout (20 – 30 points)
You can perfectly reenact at least two Veggie Tales songs. You only ever pray now around your family, but some days, seeing tomatoes and cucumbers as you walk up and down the produce aisle makes you feel something. You’ve spent more than two hours of your lifetime earnestly watching covers of “Oceans” on YouTube.
Core song: Belly Button by Veggie Tales
The Conqueror (35 to 40 points)
You wake up, choose violence, and then meticulously plan world domination over a cup of black coffee. No one can hurt you if you hurt them first, right? Your hobbies include brooding, giving epic speeches, and looking majestic. Think Beyonce meets Julius Caeser. Underneath your cloak, is a black hardened heart longing for someone to see through your sharp looks and sharper words.
Core song: Demise of a Nation by Secession Studios
The Engine (40 to 48 points)
You are the living embodiment of a Monster Energy drink. You do not care about all that lame radio stuff. You just want to hear badass heavy metal for guys. There are skull decals on every surface of your lifted second-gen Cummins, even on the truck nuts dangling off of the hitch.
Core song: Fuel by Metallica
THE PANIC (48 to 54 points)
You are the needle in the haystack—the meaning in the chaos. You embody what it means to walk the tightrope and dance with the devil. For you, the countdown on that paper due at midnight is like the ticking timer on a bomb—and you are its diffuser.
Core song: Stress by Justice
The Roadman (54 to 60 points)
White Air Force 1’s, paired with dark Nike Tech outfits and a side bag to carry whatever you need. You feel like someone who roams the streets of Croydon or Regent Park, but really you were raised in an affluent suburb in Edmonton. It doesn’t matter, though, because you dress the part and people are afraid of you. Harness that energy and skeng up a 4.0. GPA while you listen to a truly Mod playlist.
Core song: Daily Duppy pt.1 by Aystar
The Brat (60 to 68 points)
Chaos is a lifestyle for you, not a fleeting aesthetic. You are the definition of trashy luxury, pairing your neon pink Juicy Couture sweatsuit with some dingy, hole-filled underwear from middle school. Don’t worry, we also haven’t done our laundry in weeks. BTW—does it hurt to sit on rhinestones?
Core song: 365 by Charli XCX
The Heartbroken (68 to 75 points)
Driving 10 over on the Henday at 2 a.m. to feel the fall of your empire and the rush of power overtake your hands. Loneliness and fear strike your throat forcing water to leak from your eye sockets. These are the songs you listen to when your heart gets broken.
Core Song: You’re On Your Own Kid by Taylor Swift
Graphics by Thai Sirikoone
0 Comments