Because these prices are just getting out of hand.
Ian Smyth, Jesse Roma
Illustration by Hayden Carkner
Prices these days. Every time something looks fun or interesting, you Google the price and gasp. X amount of dollars? In this economy? Why aren’t companies doing anything about this? Well, they are changing prices, just not for the better. And no product embodies modern-day corporate greed more than the Nintendo Switch 2. 700 human dollars to play Mario Kart? There has to be a better way to use all that money. Lucky for you, we dug up some great deals for the price of one Nintendo Switch 2. Let’s-a-go!
- 96 and a half sleeves of Coors at Towers ($700)
I can imagine most of you have gone to Towers at least once. Our lovely campus bar offers very reasonable prices, such as $7.25 for a sleeve of beer! Yeah… it’s a great price, don’t worry about it. And with those 700 dollars you could’ve used to catch Pokémon, you can buy 96 and a half sleeves! Sounds like a great night and a terrible morning.
- 125 farmer’s wraps ($698.75)
The king of the “I forgot to eat and now I’m late to class” breakfast. The relationship between a commuting student and a farmer’s wrap is a match made in heaven. So, how about we budget for enough wraps to last an entire term of mornings! Health concerns, you say? Why would hockey legend Tim Horton ever lie to you?
- 624 hours of parking – 52 12-hour parking passes in the Allard Hall lot ($694.20)
You’re telling me that parking at the school I pay thousands of dollars to go to is this much for only 2 months?? I hate it here. You better not be using all of those simultaneously; I need to get to class.
- A one-way flight to Bogota El Dorado, Colombia ($709, taxes and stuff)|
We’ve kept it local so far, so how about we take this list to another continent! I’m sure you’ve got $10 extra lying around. Yeah, the ticket is one way. And yeah, you’d be stuck in a country that Canada’s travel advisory isn’t exactly fond of. But think about the weather! I’m always down for a vacation. Worry about coming home later! And maybe avoid the borders.
- 388 grams of Columbian Cocaine ($698.40)
Let’s be honest here. We’ve all been three stars down in Mario Party, and someone you once called a friend just stole all of your coins. You’ll be feeling down for sure, so why not raise your spirits (and paranoia) with a little bit of snow? Your button-mashing skills will be off the charts!
So there you go. A bunch of exciting, totally useful things to spend all that money on. Don’t you dare give a single cent to the Big N again. They have enough. Money is essential, so remember to spend it wisely! Oh, just a last note. Somehow, all that money still couldn’t pay rent. Who knew? You might have to move onto your Animal Crossing island…
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