Hayden Carkner
Photos by Amanda Erickson/TheGriff
With the return of the school year, many of you, our cherished readers, will be on limited entertainment budgets to keep you, your friend(s), and lover(s) entertained throughout the beautiful autumn months. Do not fear! The Griff is here to provide you with a list of totally normal September activity ideas that will wreak minimal havoc on your bank account (if not your reputation.)
- Adopt a pet rock. He can’t leave you (unlike your ex).
- Cloud watch. This is preferably a daytime activity, but we at the Griff can’t stop you from lying on your lawn at night and staring into the void.
- Clean out a bottle of Windex thoroughly. Fill it with blue Gatorade. Venture into public and spray directly into your mouth. Watch the panic of passers-by unfold. Total cost: $2.79
- Crash a local convention or networking event. Tell everyone there you’re a pickle farmer. (Thanks for this one, Dad.)
- Sit and wait for a telephone scammer to call you. Set a timer and keep them on the line for as long as humanly possible. Congrats! You’ve now wasted their precious time, as well as your own.
- Seek out a lemonade stand run by two unsuspecting children. Approach the children. Ask them if they have grapes. Upon seeing their confused expressions, cackle and disappear into a poof of smoke, knowing you were born before 2005.
- Go to West Edmonton Mall with your lover(s). Hold hands and sit in the whale. (Just Google it. It exists.)
- Figure out how many times you can listen to The Hamster Dance before descending into madness (for me, it’s 72.5).
- Draw a picture of items one through eight with a crayon and email it to online@thegriff.ca. Please.
- Find a friend. Reenact the entire script of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas in a public park.
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